Putting this first is imperative for me to be able to achieve the rest of my marriage goals. In Mark 8:43 Jesus says, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me.” Later in Ephesians 5:1-2 we read, "Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Lastly, John 13:14-15 shows us what it looks like to serve humbly: “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet, For I have given you an example, that you should also do just as I have done to you.”

The majority of men would rather this be #1! However, when I follow Jesus' example first, all the rest of my marriage goals fall into place, this one included. And as most men would bump this one up, the average woman may want to bump it down (or not include it at all), but God wrote a WHOLE book in the Bible about this topic. He wants us to understand the purpose and joy of this marital gift. I love this verse from Song of Solomon 5:1: "My bride, my sister, I will come to my garden. I will gather my myrrh with my spice. I will eat my honeycomb with my honey. I will drink my wine with my milk. Eat, my friends! Drink and become intoxicated with expressions of love!"

God has given wives great power and influence in marriage, but we have to choose how we wield it. Will we build up or tear down our spouse? Respecting your husband in word and deed enables marriage to work in harmony, as does when a man loves his wife. Ephesians 5:33 tells it this way: "To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.”

It is said that to be good at marriage you have to be good at forgiveness. I'm going to fail my spouse and he's going to fail me. When I recognize that truth, I'm equipped with the grace necessary to forgive freely and apologize quickly. This amazing command is found in Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

I want to be diligent about making room for fun in my marriage. There's a lot of naturally occurring stress in a marriage, so fun is necessary to counterbalance that and helps to deepen a couple's connection. Let’s take the advice in Ecclesiastes 9:9: "Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life, which has been given to you under the sun, all your fleeting days. For that is your portion in life and in your struggle under the sun.”